Vacancy- A blog in real time.

Attention: If you have your heart set on watching Vacancy starring Luke Wilson, Kate Beckinsale, Ethan Embry, and some other dude, stop reading now cause this will totally spoil it.

Occasionally, my roommate, her boyfriend, and I will enjoy a terrible scary movie off of the Fearnet channel. They're always good for a laugh and we've passed many a lazy Sunday, snowstorm, or otherwise dreary day with them. Tonight, my roommate is gone, and consequently her boyfriend is not here, and I have no one to make snarky comments to, so I thought I'd write them down.

In the first scene, we find Luke and Kate fighting in the car. They have a deceased child and this has torn their marriage apart. Luke swerves to avoid hitting a raccoon and messes up the car. Kate asks why they got off the highway in the first place (an all-too common movie mistake.) Ethan Embry helpfully helps them fix the car at a rural gas station. But- Uh-oh...the car breaks down only a mile later. There's no cell phone signal (because they got off the highway, you see) so they walk back to the gas station, but Ethan has left for the night. Oh darn. However, there is a creepy rundown motel (cash only, dontcha know, wink wink) and the couple decides to stay there. Luke asks the off motel owner for a phone but he only has a pay phone. He gets a pocketful of dimes he ends up not using but I have a sneaking suspicion he'll need them later.

In the gross room, our couple does some bickering- the carpet is THREADbare, there's a DEAD roach in the bathroom, but then has a special moment. It's a shame there's not a way some traumatic event could happen to show these two crazy kids how much they love each other. The phone rings, interrupting them. But there's NO ONE THERE!!! There's a knock at the door- but there's NO ONE THERE!!! Luke goes to the manager and demands an explanation. The manager says he'll check it out and Luke goes back to the room to watch some TV. There's some videos on top of the VCR and he pops one in. Oh man!!! It's a snuff film!!! And there's boobies!!!! And- here we go- it's in the same room our intrepid couple is in RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Ethan Embry and the odd motel man are the killers!!!! So much to handle.

They attempt and fail to escape. Ethan shows up in some facepaint and chases them. An apple Kate was eating way back in the car shows up in the room. Luke manages to get to the pay phone (I knew he'd need those dimes. Thanks, Anton Chekov!) but the person he calls for help KNOWS HIS NAME and tries to run him over. Oh No!

Back in the room, Luke gets upset and punches a mirror for a weapon. Cause there's nothing like a shard of glass against a real knife and a revolver- oh yeah- the eccentric manager has a revolver.

Then- a trucker shows up! Is he a savior or is he in on it? He gets a box from the manager and leaves. The couple begins to escape through the tunnel the guy used to plant the apple. But the tunnel is filled with mice. EEEEEW.....miceeeeee. Kate can't take it, and Luke tells her "babe, you can't scream" Ah. He's calling her babe. Maybe he likes her again. At the end of the tunnel, they find the sniff film control room. It's pretty sophisticated equipment- I guess that's why the carpet in the room is so threadbare.

Luke and Kate look for weapons better than glass and Kate finds a phone but just as she dials 911, odd motal man and Ethan walk in. They are confused and bumble a little bit until they figure out the phone is still connected and the woman is still waiting to hear the nature of Kate's emergency. Ethan purses the tunnel chase, while odd motel man goes outside and screams "they're onto us!" Well, that'll teach him to put away his snuff films next time.

Luke and Kate wind up in the gas station next door and knock shit over for no apparent reason. They start fighting again. Kate cries. Luke comforts. God I hope these two can work it out. Luke is sad he got off the highway. Kate is sorry they have a dead child. It's a heartbreaking denouement. They make out. I think it was in Luke's contract he got to make out with Kate. The police come, but- oh man- Luke and Kate are next door, not in the motel. The cop is fat and bald and has a country accent and a flashlight. He decides to "take a look around" and flash his flashlight in places. Country po-liceman goes into a room. The lightswitch doesn't work, but he's got a flashlight. Music begins to play in the background. Ba-bum- takes a step. Ba-BA- bum- takes a stepp. The music picks up as he sees a TV start to play. IT'S A SNUFF FIIIIIIIIIILM!!!

Meanwhile, Ethan tries to break into the station. The country cop fumbles out with his gun drawn and tells the couple to get in the car. But it won't start. Cop gets stabbed. The couple runs away and Luke gets all manly. He wants to go steal the managers gun. He hides his wife in the ceiling (naturally) and, with the shot zeroing in on his eyes, tell her he loves her (whew.)Doesn't work. Lukey-poo gets stabbed. He army crawls to where odd motel man is standing and filming. They drag Luke away but where's Kate? She picked a bad time to start caring about him again cause all her crying and carrying on up there in the ceiling almost gets her caught.

Morning comes. Kate crawls out of the ceiling and towards Luke, cause I guess they didn't drag him far enough. Ethan comes up behind her and she runs away. Thankfully, Ethan has seen fit to fix their car in the midst of his killing spree and park it outside the motel. She starts the car and Ethan breaks through the sunroof. She runs into the side of the motel and kills him. Odd motel man is sad when he finds the body. Don't piss off the ringleader, Kate. Back in Snuff film central, Kate finds a sledgehammer- the mark of a great filmmaker, obviously but odd motel man strangles her. They scrap for awhile. The guy wins and its not looking very good for Kate. Kate shows some moxie, mostly by screaming fuck you and running, oh, and by shooting him. That helps. Odd guy dies. She runs to Luke's side- oh my god, he's aliVE!!!!! She needs help, so she goes rooting around dead odd man's pants. Kate gets back to the phone and calls for help. Back outside, Luke and Kate make out till the police come.


...Super.

ps. The movie was directed by a guy named Nimrod. You can't make this stuff up.

UFC 83

Not a long analysis like the other one, I promise. Why? Look to your left. That one second to the left is Matt Serra, who has apparently morphed into Derek Zoolander two days before his fight. He'll lose because he has to spend his time being really really ridiculously good looking, not getting punched in the face.

Also, Rich Franklin and Michael Bisping (the bookends) are the top dogs in woefully mismatched fights. Franklin/Lutter might be fun, but Franklin's only issue right now is current god o' fighting Anderson Silva

As for McCarthy/Bisping....McCarthy right now is the equivalent of all those scenes in movies in which the painfully jealous loser shoots off at the mouth while our hero comes up behind him and those in front of him frantically make exaggerated "cut it off!!!!!" motions. I've never heard more hilarious, one sided and HORRENDOUSLY untrue trash talk.

Sad face/happy face

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.....

so three crap-ola things:
1)I signed up to volunteer at Hopkins Children's Center. They can only interview from 9-4:30 Mon-Fri...ummmm no, Hopkins...that's when I work.
2) My sherdog account (a fighting website) got deleted. I know this doesn't mean much to you, but it keeps a running tally of your posts and no one really pays attention to you and everyone's really really mean on the forums till you have over 100 or so. I had 250....now I have to start with one :(
3) It's 74 and sunny. Do I know that cause I went outside and basked? No...I know that cause i looked at weather.com at my desk during a break from nonstop work. Boooooooooooo.

Good things:
1) hour and a half of work left
2) The Office starts tonight. There will be ice cream cones and chips and dip at my apartment. You may come on the condition that you be quiet while the show is on.

UFN- Roundup, Final Thoughts

To start, I know my obsession with UFC is not for everyone- if you aren't interested, you can stop now (Ryan Best, I'm lookin' at you), if you are interested in how things turned out read on.

Kenny Florian pulled it out (plus one in my column, I didn't do very well with picking the big fights)

Kurt Pelligrino had me jumping up at down the first round of his fight with Nate Diaz...and then feeling crushed. Whatever Nate, I still hate you, and FYI, I don't care if you train with him and he's your brother Nick Diaz is not a "top fighter." Sorry.

Houston Alexander got KTFO....in eight seconds. Nice. Fight fans love superman punches. Mazzagatti was in there causing the dramz again, and much as I hate him, this was a good call, Alexander was out. The Karo call was not, but we'll get to that in a second.

Gray Maynard put on a decent show and pulled out a decision. I loved that he recognized he wasn't ready for the top tier of 155, but that he was working for it. A little modesty goes a long way. I'm a new fan.

Alves beat up Karo...which I did call correctly. However. Steve Mazzagatti can't seem to ref a fight without screwing up. I've been against him since the Lesnar debacle, which I still maintain is the reason Lesnar lost the fight and almost got his damn ankle broken in half. Good job by Alves, who would have won this fight regardless, but it definitely could have gone on longer.

Matt Hamill impressed the hell out of me. I eat my hat on that one.

As for the undercard, I actually picked fairly well:
Thomas lost a decision
Gamburyan choked out Cox. (I think he's going places as long as his shoulder stays intact)
Sotiropoulos scored a win
Guida won..but my mom could have picked that one
Tommy Speer got rocked. That one made me sad. He's a good kid.


TUF-Thoughts
We all know I love Forrest Griffin more than any other fighter, but I've never really had any feelings either way about Rampage. After last night, put him in my column. They both seem like dudes you could have a beer and a chat with, and I love that. (Although I am, of course, rooting for Griffin in their matchup in July)

As for fighting to get into the house- AWESOME idea Dana White!!
Early Stand Out Fighters:
Amir Sadollah
CB Dollaway

Early Stand Out Big Douchebags In The House:
Jeremy May
Paul Bradley


Much love to Crystal for the wings. I still would like to take your dog home.

Fight Night! Get 'em here...

April is a month for UFC fans everywhere to rejoice. There is a STACKED fight night card coming up on the 2nd, and the uber-anticipated Serra/GSP title fight on the 19th. More on that in another post, but for now lets focus on Wednesday's card. For a free fight, to sum up, it's fucking amazing.

Kenny Florian Vs. Joe Lauzon
Despite having possibly the worst nicknames in the UFC (Ken-Flo and J. Lau, respectively), these two will throw down. Florian lost a title shot to Sean Sherk back in 2006, and he's been climbing back up the ladder ever since, doing well now with a three fight win streak. Lauzon doesn't have the history Florian does, but he's got some big wins under his belt- Jens Pulver comes to mind- and has a real shot. However, Florian's ground game is better all around and if Ken-Flo (it hurts to call him that...it really does) can take him down, he'll get the win.

Prediction:
Florian by submission (arm bar?)

Thiago Alves Vs. Karo Parisyan
Alves' only loss in almost three years has come at the hands of Jon Fitch, which is forgivible as Fitch is the next up and comer in welterweights. Parisyan is the more experienced fighter but is less impressive. He's technically consistent, with seven of his eight wins being a decision. While slow and steady might win the race, it makes for kind of a boring fight.

Prediction:
Alves by TKO

Matt Hamill Vs. Tim Boetsch
Ohhhh UFC 75. For those who don't remember, that was the fight night back in September. In London. Yeah. That one. While most remember it for Cro Cop getting defeated ( :( ) , or Rampage/Henderson, it was also the site of a controversial decision in Hamill/Bisping. The decision went to Bisping, but Hamill earned a lot of fans that night. Look for this fight to wind up on the ground.

Prediction:
Boetsch submission (choke)


Kurt Pellegrino Vs. Nate Diaz
I'm not being technical about this one. I hate Nate Diaz. I want them to make him a toy for Silva to play with. That'll teach him....little punk.

Prediction:
Pellegrino -by any means necessary.


James Irvin Vs. Houston Alexander
Irvin is 13-4, but three of those have been in the last two years. It's a rocky road. Now, I don't like Alexander as a person but he's a pretty decent fighter. Setting aside both men's loss to Thiago Silva, my money's on Alexander for this one. Maybe he got lucky against Jardine, who then got lucky against Liddell (or Liddell just needs to retire), but he seems better conditioned to me. Possibly the only fight that has a one-punch power.

Prediction:
Alexander by KO

That's it for the broadcast fights. In the undercard, real quick rundown:
Gray Maynard Vs. Frank Edgar
Edgar TKO


Josh Neer Vs. Din Thomas
Thomas- decision

Jeff Cox Vs. Manny Gamburyan
Gamburyan (if his shoulder is holding up)- submission

Roman Mitichyan Vs. George Sotiropoulos
Ladies- remember, being hot and having an accent does not a good fighter make. However, Sotiopoulos by decision here.

Anthony Johnson Vs. Tommy Speer
The Farmboy. I like him. Go Tommy.


Samy Schiavo Vs. Clay Guida
Guida. I'm not even sure why they gave Schiavo this fight.


And if three hours of UFC isn't enough for everyone, the season premier of TUF is on next. Five words, fight fans...

Team Forrest versus Team Rampage

Anyone who has talked fighting with me for more than thirty seconds knows who I'm backing 100%. Can't wait!!

That Zach Braff can really make a girl sing...

I have a confession. Even though I was in the prime audience for it, I was never that into the pop princess/boy band craze. I admit I owned the Shania Twain albulm with Man I Feel Like a Woman on it and the Titanic soundtrack, but there was narry a Britney Spears or N'Sync CD to be found in my library.

A few months ago, though, I was changing CD's in my car and for a very rare moment heard a song on the radio that made me stop and listen to it. I wrote the lyrics down and Googled them when I got home....Mandy Moore.

No Shit! Mandy Moore, she of the saccharine bubble gum pop, sounded gorgeous now. I went out and bought the CD, and I was not at all disappointed. Since I've been listening to my Ipod in my car for the last month and a half, I completely forgot the CD was in there until this morning, and maybe because of my current doleful (there's a vocab word for you, kiddies) mood about my own relationship, or maybe cause it's just good writing, I'd like to compare the Mandy Moore of yesteryear to the one blasting out in my car. So, from each album, here we go...

So Real (1999)
Candy:
So baby come to me
Show me who you are
Sweet to me
Like sugar to my heart
I'm cravin' for you
I'm missin' you like candy


Not her best effort. This one was a radio smash and kind of made people want to smash things around them. I was 14 when this came out, but if I had been older and had friends that drove any sort of neon convertible, I might have been rocking out.

I Wanna Be With You (2000)
The Way To My Heart:
You're the one
You set me free
When you're close to me
All that I do
Is think about a way
To make you stay with me
Baby I'm falling apart cause you know the way to my heart


Slightly overdramatic....slightly stalkerish. Not a fan.

Mandy Moore (2001)
Crush:
Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you


Three albums in three years and it kind of seems like the lyrics just get worse and worse...but stick with me people.


She took some time off. She made Saved (NICE move). She got together and I'd assume got her heart broken by Zach Braff. And then she came out with Wild Hope, my current obsession and the point of this blog. Here's two songs plus my personal favorite off the album, just so you can see how much people really can grow up in a short time.

Wild Hope (2007)
Nothing You Are:
Somebody told me, they saw you somewhere
Somebody hold me, cause suddenly I'm a little, cold
Well I must be mistaken you for somebody else
I know you all to well, or do I?
I heard you say
We were one and the same
Well wrong again
I could never do those things you did to me
I will be ok
In time you'll fade
Into the nothing that you are
The nothing you are


Is it edgy? Not by a long shot. Is is leaps and bounds more honest and impressive (especially since she wrote the enitre album?) than "I'm missing you like candy?" You betcha.

Ladies Choice:
You did everything
I asked you not to
Look where it got you
I’m sure you heard it before, but
How could you?
Baby, why would you?
Goodbye, sweetheart
Countdown started
Words are heavy
But I’m far from broken hearted
Goodbye stranger I’ll take the fall
Lies were tempting
You know you never really threw me off at all
Go ahead, waste your time
Count me out
Take your place at the end of the line
Raise a glass, no surprise
Here’s to us at the end of the line

Again, not a huge "whoa that's an angry lady like Ani Defranco" kind of lyric. However, it's umpteen times more powerful and self assured than the "All I do is think of a way to make you stay."

And finally, although this doesn't really make a point, I just think this song is gorgeous.

Gardenia:
Well, I put so much thought into getting ready
Now I know that was the best part
It’s so easy to get caught up in what I’m regretting
Forget what I got from a wounded heart
I’m the one who likes Gardenia
I’m the one who likes to make love on the floor
I don’t want to hang up the phone yet
It’s been good
Getting to know me more


So taking a few years off from making immediately forgettable pop music has catapulted her into the folksy chick rock genre with the likes of Rilo Kiley and Ingrid Michelson. I hope she's there to stay. If this is what he does to former pop stars, maybe Britney should start dating Zach Braff. The girl could use the help.

Only two things come from Belmar, cowboy...

Almost two years ago, exactly two months and a day before my 21st birthday, some friends and I went to New Jersey....I know. However, it was our friends birthday and with all of us scattered all over for the summer, we decided it might be nice to get together for a weekend. At the time, I was the only one in the group who wasn't 21, but it was a-ok, cause that night and all other nights I had to be 21 I was not Caitlin, I was Dana somethingorother from Annapolis, born Octobers 13, 1984.



Now, in the bars in my college town, if someone is caught with a fake ID, in general you are told to leave, and half the time they give the damn thing back to you. Not so much in Belmar, NJ. No, no...they took me to jail instead. I should also mention two of my 21 year old friends, INCLUDING the birthday gal, got to get arrested too. You see, they were aiding and abetting me. Obviously.



So there we are, three twenty something little girls, sitting in handcuffs in a police station in the middle of New Jersey. Finally, after a confusing time when they couldn't find my real info in MD's state system and told me they were going to charge me with terrorism if I didn't tell them who I really was (a joke and scare tactic, I'm sure, but damn if I didn't start to cry. Mean policeman. Bad.), and after an embarrassing moment I can only blame on adrenaline in which my friend and I sang the chorus of "Take Me Home Tonight" to our arresting officer (Eddie Money, we hardly knew ye), we were let go and told to come back in a month, go to court, and pay our fine.



$1200 later, I was done with the whole situation, and one may wonder why I'm bringing it up now. Unless you have been living under a rock like Allan and Charlie, you know the Gov. of New York was out screwin some whores. (Excuse me, they were high priced. Making love to some "call girls"), and that the hottie of the moment, Alexandra Dupri, is the one who finally brought him down....you can insert your own joke there. Well, I have nothing to do at work really besides read the news cause well, I work at a newspaper. So. Ms. Dupri is from.....Belmar, NJ.



....Really, NJ? Instead of spending time and money ARRESTING people for having fake IDs, maybe redirect those efforts into say....school programs alone the lines of "ok kiddies, when you grow up, don't have sex for money" I would have been upset if the bouncer had taken my ID that night and sent me on my way, but in all honesty I probably deserved that. I wasn't of age, whatever. But a record I have to disclose when I apply for jobs? That's excessive to the max. I had to make up that max part to drive my point home, because the word excessive just doesn't cut it there.



In closing, Belmar, New Jersey, I'm still boycotting you (sorry, Carolyn). Stop hanging out at the bars arresting 20 and ten month year olds. You have a lot to be proud of. Bruce, obviously. Bon Jovi. Jay and Silent Bob. Queen Latifah. And now, prostitutes!